The R&R Big Adventure

Dance of The Seven Veils

Valentine’s night, and the staff had laid up tables round the pool for dinner. A band were playing (for four tables!) and everything was themed in red. I felt a bit sorry for the German lady, here on her own, with all this going on around her. Some newbies had also arrived at the hotel: first off, ‘Burt and Ethel’ – an older East-End couple. You could hear her raspy, forty-a-day cough before you saw here. Then ‘Carlos and Titiana’ : I named them that as he looked like a Mexican drug lord, and she looked like this month’s girlfriend. They didn’t dine with the rest of us (all of four tables) but took their dinner on their terrace, except, every so often Titiana would come down to the pool and dance round the band. I wasn’t sure if she was high, drunk, or both. Her ‘evening dress’ was a thong with a few strips of fabric attached, and a barely-there bikini top. Carlos was wearing a brightly coloured romper suit. Later that evening they went down to their cabana by the beach, and, under the moonlit sky, she performed her own interpretation of ‘The Dance Of The Nymphs’ ; her fabric strips billowing in the breeze, whilst he filmed her the whole time. Maybe he doubled as her ‘Only Fans’ manager as well.

We didn’t see them at breakfast the next morning – I can only assume they are so big in central America they couldn’t possibly mix with the hoi polloi – but at lunchtime they appeared from their villa. She was kindly modelling a local fisherman’s net over that morning’s thong, and appeared to be using tit tape to keep it strapped to her ample 38DD chest. Thanks to her Brazilian butt lift, there was quite a lot of surface area on which to hang the fishing net. Carlos appeared behind her, wearing yet another romper suit, and another pair of outsized, gold-framed sunglasses. Their cabana was two along from ours, so I could see her doing more prancing, and Carlos more filming, over the course of the afternoon. Meanwhile, Ethel and Burt were in the cabana next to ours. Burt had some Frank Sinatra playing on their travel speaker, and was singing along to it, badly. Ethel brought up some catarrh off her chest occasionally.

We didn’t see Carlos and Titiana at dinner – they dined on their balcony again – so we couldn’t be treated to a new, barely-there, fashion extravaganza. They left the resort the next morning, the porter heaving four large suitcases and two cabin bags behind them. Who knew thongs took up so much space.

You can tell we haven’t been doing much: it’s been very nice not doing anything, and not having to plan anything. Although, Robert and I being us, we did start putting together a to-do list yesterday evening for when we get back, which we will sub-categorise, and put timelines on, in due course.

We felt very exclusive at the pool yesterday afternoon, as the only people we could see across the immaculate grounds of the hotel were a couple of gardeners, and the barman, who checked up on us occasionally. Ethel and Burt must have been having a nap. All change today, as three more couples arrived (one of whom is Northern, as they were shouting ‘hello Mam’ loudly, whilst FaceTiming by the pool). A German guy and his much younger relative/partner are also here. I would like to think it’s his granddaughter, but this resort only has double rooms, no twin beds.

I was made redundant a year ago this week, and I saw the share price of my former company had plunged thirteen percent this morning, after issuing a less than sparkling set of annual results on Friday evening. They have informed investors they will be embarking on yet another multi-million pound, multi-market, ‘staff optimisation’ programme this year. Oh dear, I thought, as I looked up and out over the sparkling blue waters of the Indian Ocean.